Anticipation

"This is good for me."  Says me.  I feel a bit like I am starting all over again.  Almost every day.  That is also good, me thinks.  Labels.  My words, read, while writing,  lead to thoughts that might never make it to the page because they are about the page.  Describing the activity that goes on daily inside my brain is going to be a challenge, but, a fun one for me.  Today I read something to the effect of, the truth usually requires a small amount of words to speak.  Truth, about truth.  The picture of a picture of a picture.  Kerouac was the fucking man.  Is.  Editing. The 4th of July is coming up, please remember to light fireworks OUTSIDE.  Thanks.

Simultaneous Release

The art of avoidance.  Who says I have no artistic talent?  Not I.  Nostalgia is a powerful drug.  Just say no, most of the time.  Mundane detail.  If I do happen to find the trail back to narrative, you and I can have lots of fun.  After awhile gone, I read a couple of these entries and it seems like another person is writing and not me.  Pretty cool, that person is.  My keyboard sucks at this moment so the dip back into the pool is going to be brief but it is just the first domino in line.  Our little secret is going to be a daily occurrence once again so I will have plenty of time to put your ear in a hammer lock.  Ya see if this was a book, that last line is on the cutting room floor but this is blogging,  so I am coming as I am and let the play on words failures be seen by all.  It's time to get smart, again. Thanks.

You Spare What I Think?

Welcome back reader and writer.  Our little affair had gone south for a bit but we are back and lets just resume the madness and not dwell on why or how we drifted apart.  I have no idea where I am going to watch the Superbowl.  If I had my wish, it would be at home by myself with some fattening foods.  The Superbowl is just as bad as Thanksgiving in terms of people pigging out and not caring about what they stuff into their faces and I am no different.  Shoot me later.  The hangup is I live without TV, so I cannot watch it at home, I have to find a family member or friend who will let me come over.  I just want to be by myself.  During the championship game of any of the sports I fancy I really don't want to be socializing.  I want to watch the game, think my own thoughts and let all that I want soak in.  I want to make sarcastic comments in my head.  If someone is next to me, I tend to let some come out of my mouth.  Depending who I am with, and the level or subject of said comments that can be a good or bad thing, but I don't want to chance it.  Today at work I had a conversation with my fellow worker and it was very pleasant to speak with an older person who was not programmed by the television.  I am the youngest person in my shop by 15 years and the only one without a bald spot, gray hair and a pot belly.  Even though I usually value the company of my elders over my peers or younger people, they are usually programmed the worst.  They didn't have the access to free information at their fingertips most of their lives like young people have had, so I can understand as to why the programming took so well.  They had to take the television at its word because for the most part that was all there was.  People didn't carry around the entire encyclopedia A to Z in their pocket in the form of a phone.  Information was much more controlled on a mass level.  "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is mostly true.  I believe you can do it, it just takes a much bigger effort than with a puppy.  They did have books, but with that 40 hour work week and time spent drinking there isn't much time left to read.  A good amount of people associate reading with school and not many people like school.  Even the ones who sign up for extra school and spend thousands of dollars on it complain and bitch about their "education" and how much it sucks.  So when the majority finally finishes school, they finish books too.  A crying shame.  I am lucky.  I never liked school, and didn't read the textbook if I didn't have to so me and books have a solid relationship.  I always had my own book hidden inside the textbook so it looked like I was being studious when in fact I was in another world altogether and if a teacher called on me I might even get startled.  Can you leave me alone?  I am trying to educate myself, thank you.  History books were the biggest joke to me and we'll just leave that one right there by itself..........................I Heard You Paint Houses.  Now that's a history book.  Days Of Infamy, another real history book.  I read that one when I was ten years old, and they wanted me to take their textbook history seriously! HAHAHAHAHAHA!  I kept most of what I read to myself back in my youth.  Oh I had tried debating with my parents about what the TV was feeding them but they, like most people, got too emotional to have a debate or resented the fact that some young kid was telling them all they thought they knew was wrong.  I don't really blame them.  I can have pie in the sky wishes about what I think the ideal parent would have done but that's really water under the bridge and a moot point at best.  So I spent most of high school in my room alone, with my Columbia House tape collection and any books I could get my hands on.  I think it was 10 CDs or 20 tapes for a penny.  Give me those 20 tapes!  I remember the selection was huge and you had to lick the stamp of the album you wanted and stick it in the appropriate spot.  At one point I was getting a box in the mail almost daily and my mom was wondering where I got the money to send away for all this music that she was constantly telling me to turn down.  Ahhh, that feels better.  Goodnight. (smiley face)

An Uncomfortable Position

Introspective.  What does anyone really know about writing?  I know nothing yet except that I am now addicted to it and if I go a day without it the weight is felt on my shoulders.  Everyone should write.  I am beginning to think it's like physical exercise, necessary to a healthy body and mind.  I always thought of reading like that so it makes sense that writing would fall into that category right along with drinking water and flossing your teeth.  Throughout my academic "career" I have written about five term papers.  That's right, five.  In high school I used to "forget" to write the papers and in order to get a passing grade in the class that usually meant I had to ace the test or close to it to make up for my lack of writing.  I wonder how deep down my dislike for writing went and the reasons for it.  I label it often my fear of vanity, but now I'm not sure if that feeling was working alone, and isn't that pretty telling by itself says the dime store shrink.  Fear of the unknown might have been in there too.  Next to playing golf, this has been the most self-discovery, mentally, I have ever done.  All that thinking over the years pales in comparison.  Most of my thinking was about what I wanted and how I was going to go about to get it, and not material things so much dot dot dot.  Oh man if the computer screen doubled as a mirror and I could see my facial expressions while writing I wouldn't get much done.  Now that's vanity. Or is it?  I am questioning my views on almost everything now that I can see them written out and how they may look to others.  Not many things are as uplifting as the sunrise, especially when you wake up to beat it, not stay up all night and happen to catch it, that had better of been a damn good night.  I don't want to sleep during the day.  It doesn't feel natural to me at all.  Look at the pretty chemtrails.  HA!  EFF you spell check.  How do guys with beards do it?  The itch is driving me to pet myself with me barely noticing and it has got to go. Today.  That is quite the dedication to covering one's face.  I do not want to be one of those guys who is constantly stroking their face, it is kind of freaky and a monkey pops into my brain.  Sunday mornings are the best.  The hustle and bustle of the human race starts the latest on this day.  Thank god for something.  Speaking of god, I heard Tebow was hanging out with Kim.  End celebrity gossip.  End celebrity.  End gossip?  I'm not sure, it is so darn fun.  When I am up this early and can hear the birds singing and I don't have any menial chores or tasks to do like getting ready for work, it is grand.  Sometimes my want for something blinds my ability to think like a smart person.  Yearning, pining, can be good things if they are wrestled under control, but too much of a good thing, can and often will turn into a bad thing, even if it is just a silly emotion, or smoking grass.  I miss chess. Forget politics, chess is war without the blood, politics has blood it just hides it so the masses cannot see.  I wonder what the chemtrails are hiding.  I wonder how many times I have to type that word in order for my blog to be read by Homeland Security.  Hi agent so and so!  Top of the morning to ya!  I, I, I, I, I, can't wait to visit Ireland.  Me being a Mc and all, the idea seems very romantic to me.  Wow.  A sentence that started with the word me and ended with the word me.  I am horrible.  I need a teacher to criticize me, so if there are any out there reading this who believe education should be free, please critique me.  Charging money for education is old world thinking to me.  I am no communist, but if education can't be free then what can?  I am of the opinion that most of the oldest colleges in this country were created so poor minorities could not get in, and afford "education".  I will go into the detail of that opinion at a later date.  Call your Grandma, Donald.  Call your uncle too.  Follow through on your personality all the time not just when it suits you.

An Ice Cream Sundae, A Bubble Bath And A Bowl

Feel the love, if you can, if you have the ability.  Is giving possible if receiving isn't?  Can you FEEL love for a piece of metal?  Terminator aside.  I am only talking semantics here.  Without words having meaning we aren't talking at all.  It might as well be goo goo gaga.  So, yes sometimes I talk about semantics, or language because it is very important to me.  I think if people understood the language they would be better at exchanging ideas and evolve just a bit quicker.  Evolution isn't luck.  We have some control now, maybe we haven't always, but maybe we have.  If that fish didn't work hard to get to the land and was just content with the world of under water then it would have never became a frog I think.  Get it?  So, as I said yesterday this is just my opinion.  I am not judging anyone and THEIR version of love, or THEIR supposed subjective definition of any word, but I know the TRUE definition of most of the words I know and MY definition of love you now know.  You love yourself.  You can feel it.  If you love a material thing, it has sentimental value.  Memories are attached to it.  I still have and use my backpack from the seventh grade.  It is one of the oldest material things I have. It could tell many stories, but I don't feel any love for it.  I like it a whole lot, but if it got stolen or lost, I would chalk it up to fate and get over it quick.  If either of my moms got stolen or lost, that would be a whole other deal because I love them.  That emotion has attached me to them, forever.  If I ever loved someone, it is forever.  There will ALWAYS be a spot for them in my heart and soul.  That's ME.  I can't help it.  That's how I FEEL.  Don't think I'm yelling at you with all the capital letters, I am just lazy and don't want to mess with the font controls.  I promise I will get the italicize button down soon.  I like to debate but not argue.  I think people often when talking to me in person get caught up in my face, and all of its movements.  My face is not my words.  Now, if you are questioning whether I am telling the truth, the face is a great detector I know that.  But when I am giving my opinion, and my "passion" as people call it is displayed all over my face, it doesn't mean I am emotional about said opinion.  My face has its own set of controls separate from the logic controls in my brain.  It is frustrating when others get emotional in what was once an intellectual conversation about general life because they can't handle my face.  It's only my face.  I really have little control.  I am not thinking about how I look when talking, I am thinking about how I sound because silly me I am assuming the person is listening.  People should close their eyes when talking about general stuff and non personal issues.  Like I said, I use the face as a lie detector often, so blind conversation doesn't work in every capacity, but when discussing for example politics or religion both parties should close their eyes while talking and see if that makes it easier to see the other's perspective.  Word play over.

Tiny Bubbles

Hello my little pieces of clay. What shape shall we form you into today?  They blow up sand castles.  Tragic to me.  If they eroded naturally via the tide that would be better, but if they are built too far back from the water for that then I am not sure what the more romantic way would be.  Romance.  Fun stuff.  It is everywhere if you are looking for it, and I don't mean looking for your own personal romance.  True Romance, good movie.  Oh yea the intellectual stuff.  My bad.  Where were we?  Today lets talk about love and hate.  Two extreme emotions that are separated by that well known fine line in the sand or concrete or whatever kind of ground you happen to stand on.  These are just my opinions, I don't think they are proven facts, so the high horse I am not riding today.  You cannot love something that does not have the ability to love you back.  You do not love your car.  You do not love your phone.  Your car has no idea (yet, maybe technology one day will come along and screw up my world just a bit more) of your opinion of it. It is a machine.  Lots of metal, plastic and other man-made materials all fastened together.  It has no heart, more importantly, no soul.  Cars are not born.  They are manufactured.  With me?  People are doing the word, emotion, love, a big disservice by attaching it to any and every thing they happen to fancy at the moment.  Love deserves better.  You can't love your favorite song.  You like it very much.  Many, many other words are better suited to replace the word love in that sentence about your favorite song.  You love your mother don't you?  How can that same emotion stretch to a machine who by the way can't even feel your "love".  Yes there are different kinds of love.  But every single real kind of love can be returned to the person or even animal that is pouring it out.  Now lets talk hate.  Hate and love are peas in the same pod.  One is dormant while the other thrives.  They can trade places.  BUT!!!!  Love always comes first.  In order to hate someone, you have to love them first, whether you are aware you love them or not.  I definitely think it is possible to love a person without knowing it.  People are, do, things all the time and aren't aware of them, so lump good ole love in there too.  You do not hate the celebrity you have never met.  Most likely.  I guess you could be infatuated with them, but if you have had zero contact with them, love is not possible so neither is hate.  Like, or whatever word you want to pick out of the thesaurus would be accurate.  In communication, accuracy is the foundation, and without it building is pretty much useless and is going to fall down the first little gust that Mother Nature sends its way.  People face to face speaking the same language (kind of) cannot understand each other.  If you are speaking the language wrong, both of you, then maybe it might work, but if one is fluent while the other thinks they are, then frustration will ensue on both sides.  People claim to hate all sorts of things and strangers when in reality they just don't know that many words.  I do not have a huge vocabulary, but what little I have, I have down pat, by the book and to the letter except for the word alot which I refuse to spell right for my own personal reason.  I could go for some fried chicken right about now.  "Millie don't burn fried chicken."  So in closing, hold onto your love and save it for those select special people and try to keep the hate to a minimum.  Thank you and remember to tip 20% if you received good service.

Monster Trucks

Name Envy.  Do you have it?  "My name peaked when I was eight years old."  I heard that yesterday and had to share.  I won't divulge the actual name, but it was a common one, nothing out of the ordinary.  Hi Grandma!!!  He just wants new bumpers for his yacht.  The elusive booger.  My lobster would whoop yours.  He needs actual chains around his claws, elastic won't do, that's how strong he is.  The blue claw is five to one, baby one in five.  Loser is lunch.  Sauteed with butter.  No bib needed, no tools either.  Eat it like a sexist man.  Sloppy, finger licking good.  I can hit the space bar faster than you.  "They counted my warm ups.....I had 47 one warm up."  (crowd cheering)  The last guy on the bench is the most lovable sometimes, but Brian Scalabrine still sucks.  Not since employee number eight have I been that angry at a basketball player for throwing up three pointers.  The Magic suck.  Fifty six points in an NBA game should automatically get the coach fired.  Fourteen points a quarter on average.  No excuse, or defense to justify that.  Can you wiggle your ears?  Can you read random musings without getting confused or stimulated?  The radio station my shop listens to plays a happy variety that for the most part pleases my ears except for one little hangup.  They speed up the songs so fast it is AMAZING that Alvin and the Chipmunks aren't singing Night Moves instead of Bob Seger.  Light My Fire was three minutes long tops.  Just when I start to get my groove on the next song starts.  The radio fade.  Do bands still fade songs on their albums?  It's been so long since I've listened to a studio album and I don't think I have listened to any made in the past fifteen years.  I am a sucker for those songs that end with one last, sometimes unexpected punch.  Bam!  Song over.  The worst for me is the songs that start to fade out just as the band is starting to jam.  Chorus, bridge, verses over now lets get to the music and then the damn volume starts to go down. What's happening?  Did the band quit?  Nope, it's time for another commercial, for something you don't need.  Alright it's tea time.  I am sorry I didn't write anything of substance today.  I will make an effort to get into something somewhat intellectual tomorrow.

Underground Lobster Fights

Early morning writing.  Mmmmm.  So are you in jail yet?  Surely you did something against the law today or yesterday, or every day.  Home of the free we are not and I am wondering how long it will be until my writing this blog becomes illegal.  Five years?  Five minutes?  You know how, when you're pumping gas and the little tab that holds down the pump "trigger" is broken, how much that sucks?  Some people silently just suffer and stand there, hand on the pump the whole time, while other do it yourself people, or problem solvers, find something in their car to wedge in between so the pump stays running.  Especially in the bitter cold, standing there is not pleasant.  Well yesterday I read a sign on the gas pump that said it was now illegal to wedge something in there.  Ok, talk about a victim-less crime.  Unless you are a complete idiot, I don't see how this works.  When did this "law" pass by the way?  Does anyone know?  Was it a part of that new defense bill that basically designates all of us Americans guilty until proven innocent if they even feel like giving you the chance to prove your innocence.  I can see how wedging maybe a Zippo refill bottle in there would be dangerous, or any other substance that happens to be contained under pressure or flammable.  But really do they make masses of people that dumb now that it needs to be a law?  Furthermore, if said people are that dumb do you think they are going to be able to read that sign, or if they can, even care enough about the legality of  the act to refrain from it?  That would be like making jumping off your riding lawn mower while it was in gear illegal.  Yes it is dumb and unsafe but hello natural selection!  People like that are supposed to be thinned out.  It is nature's way.  They aren't supposed to be so scared of going to jail that they fail to follow nature's order.  These people need to stop breeding and making little rubes.  Seriously, this has to stop.  Our country jails its own people more than ANY other country in the world.  At least there is one statistic for me to lean on.  Out of time, I will be back later today.

Jammy Jams

Championship Sunday, in the league where they play, for pay.  Today I received the fastest haircut in my life.  It was easily under five minutes.  She did a good job, I instantly look younger despite my week old attempt at facial hair.  I wonder if puberty will ever end for me.  If you have never eaten braciole, give it a try.  Quality food.  I cannot believe the Ravens just missed that field goal.  Eff the freaking Patriots and Bill Belacheat.  Go Giants!  To be clear, I am a Minnesota Vikings fan, but so many of my friends and family are Giants fans that I have a soft spot for them.  So how are those presidential races going?  I have no idea.  I am being selfish and not doing anything real at all to stop the madness.  I am trying to get my life on track, really, for the first time.  Up until recently, I was flying by the seat of my pants, and now I make plans and think about budgets. Flying is fun.  Read On The Road by Kerouac.  If it doesn't change your life, read The Doors of Perception by Huxley.  If that doesn't, let me know and I will give you some more reading material.  Flying isn't for everyone, I am aware, but the idea of it, or the concept, should at least be presented to you so you have a choice.  So many people are brought up in a way, and are hardly exposed at all to different ways to living.  Living.  It is only done once that we know of.  So why not try at least a few different ways before picking your favorite?  In order to live different ways you must think different ways.  But if you are a prejudiced person, it's going to be hard for you to try anything outside of your current cutter of cookies.  What you, said prejudiced person views as different, most likely in the bigger picture or baking pan is not.  You are still a snicker doodle, just in a different shape.  Branch out, become a chocolate chip or an oatmeal raisin cookie.  Actually walk in someone else's shoes instead of fantasizing about it.  One trip on this Earth.  That's it.  When you are on your deathbed, if you are lucky/unlucky enough to get on it and get that chance to reflect, you don't want that many what ifs.  What ifs are going to exist for everyone I think, no matter what choices you make but you want as few as possible so you can relish that never ending memory called your lifetime.  Look back, laugh, cry and everything in between.  I wouldn't mind being visited by some spirits or actually anything that would blow my mind when or if I am on that deathbed.  Deathbed.  It should be called lifebed .  Life insurance used to be called death insurance, it didn't sell so well, so they spruced it up.  Your life is ending, it should be your lifebed.  Why focus on death to begin with?  I am aware it is a part of everyone's lifetime, but it isn't a deathtime, it's a lifetime.  It is the end of your life.  You don't begin death.  Life winds down.  The word death sucks, to me, right now.  It switches the focus and I don't like that.  Most of those religious people should be throwing a party when a relative is at the end of life.  Doesn't heaven or their version of it await for most of those people?  Freaking heaven man!  Just the word heaven sounds awesome.  Where is their faith?  Now they don't want that loved one to go?  Is it selfishness?  What happened?  Heaven is waiting, dot dot dot.

Better Late Than Never

My blog, blog blog blog blog.  The beast must be fed.  It gets cranky and lays on one heck of a guilt trip if it goes without food.  That damn conscious and its cousin the sub.  Always in my ear, trying their best to influence my actions.  I have, so far noticed that I am not a night writer.  It flows much better in the morning, though it could be too early to make the final judgement.  So here I am writing about writing because the substance is currently being blocked by the "events" of the day.  The thoughts and analyzing, the pouting, the regret, all that and more mixed up in that pot of gumbo called my brain. The pride, the vanity.  Sex in a phone booth.  You couldn't guard me in a phone booth.  The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones.  Mince meat pie.  Which, if you didn't know, is really good and contains no meat.  The rumor being it was named that to make the kids not want it.  It worked against me until a few years ago when I finally tried it.  Tasty.  Almost like a Fig Newton pie.  Under pressure.  I shoot my best.  Those back rim misses are the worst but for every one of those there is a lucky roll so you just have to accept them and move on.  The Knicks suck.  Those players need an earlier curfew.  Yes, grown men have curfews.  Sad, but true, and necessary.  Especially in New York City where the bars close at 4am and then underneath the bar is an after party that goes until who knows when.  I have been invited to many after parties but not once did I ever show.  I was that fashionably late.  I never even got there.  Now that is the peak of cool!  Or at least my version.  You can get anything delivered in the city.  Anything.  All you need is to know the right people.  Good night my dear reader.  I give up.  See you in the morning when I have somewhat of a clear head.

I Am The Lord Of Your Thighs

Politics. Where to begin?  Where to end?  Politics gives team sports a bad name.  It may be that if you aren't a fan of sports then what can you root for with that same die hard emotional attachment but a political party.  There are many reasons why people don't like sports, but I think the one that those people most have in common is that they aren't athletic or view themselves as bad at sports.  It makes sense, it is a pride thing.  Yes there are always exceptions to any generalizations, no doubt there are people out there that are fans who have never picked up a ball in their life, but I totally get why some people aren't sports fans.  I am not here to convince you to be one if you happen to be one of those people, but again, like I wrote, who can you root for? The military of your country? The god of your chosen religion?  World peace?  Go world peace go!  You can do it!  So, every day, but over a broader scale in this country, every four years, masses and masses of people pick up their pom poms and start the cheer-leading.  Whoever cheers the loudest wins!  Not really, but by observing the nation's citizens as a whole you can tell that is what they think.  Do whatever it takes to win!  Ironic to me how it seems the people are the only ones who never win.  Oh, before I forget, just because I do not vote, doesn't mean I am not allowed my opinion.  I am a natural citizen who pays bloody taxes like the rest of you so those two facts themselves give me the right to say whatever I want, just like you have the right to say I, (by not voting) don't have any place to gripe or complain or whine or whatever label you want to affix to my opinions to try and discredit them and make yourself feel good.  The parties baffle me.  Aren't we all on the same side here?  America?  To get a little lofty here but just for a second, I don't think borders or countries should exist, and it has NOTHING to do with my taste in music so stick that old world 60's propaganda in your pipe and smoke it.  Ok back to a somewhat lower level of my soapbox so you can at least see me.  Why parties?  Why label ourselves democrats and republicans and tea party people and freedomtarians and whatever silly names they are now making up?  Why can't we just be humans?  Together.  Working for the greater good.  Why not? To me, all the labels do is play on our dumbass human emotions and insecurities and complexes and whatever else disorder you have probably diagnosed yourself with.  They divide.  They conquer.  It is very hard to have an intellectual conversation with someone if your feelings are hurt by the other person's opinions of the world in general, not even their thoughts about you as a person.  People get way too emotionally attached to their opinions and treat them like they make slow sweet love to them every night.  I like very much to be proven wrong.  The exact opposite of how most view me.  Most think I am just out to prove myself right and that couldn't be further from the truth.  If I am proven wrong, or come across an opinion that I agree with more than the one I previously had, it means I have learned something, the least of which would be I learned how to change my opinion.  That act in itself is a valuable tool used in the process of one's education.  Kill your TV.  Please.  I do not have any fancy graphics and I am not sitting in your living room, unavoidable by you.  I believe the first step to thinking outside the box is to turn off the one or five in your house.  It is almost a must.  That glowing piece of furniture is relentless.  It does not stop.  You can't control it and no matter how many times you change the channel the overall message will be the same.  I wasn't always like this.  In my youth I watched my fair share, had my favorite shows (MacGyver) and looking back if it wasn't for my passion of reading I would have been even more influenced by the TV than I already was.  I can't pinpoint when I started to think it was just one big fish tale but I do know when I turned 18 and it came time to register to vote, I chose independent because I at least had the feeling that I did not want my thoughts tied down by a particular party.  Whoa there this turned out long.  I will stop now and maybe pick up on this thought tomorrow, or maybe not.

Spiderman, Princess and McQueen

I used to detest coffee, over the past year or so I have begun to enjoy a cup or sometimes two in the morning.  I do not like this new development in me, says the logical part of my brain, but the pleasure part likes it very much and that side of my noodle is used to winning.  We'll see, and read how that turns out.  Last night during basketball I experienced the most painful cramp I have ever felt in my body. It was in my left calf  muscle and was a result of running, basically non stop for over 2 hours because the team I was on did not lose, not even once.  That is hard to pull off, at an escalating level because as your energy goes down, the other teams' anger goes up.  They of course are tired of losing all night and in turn character or lack of it starts to rear its ugly head.  I hardly call fouls ever.  You have to smash me.  I am no country club player despite what people think I look like.  I am used to playing in bad neighborhoods with hardened criminals so suffice it to say I have become accustomed to, lets say, physical play.  Me being usually the skinniest guy on the court does not help with all the pushing and shoving so I have learned to play position ball.  Knowing where the other player is going to push you and why before they do it is a great advantage and usually frustrates the crap out of them.  Big guys always try to take me into the post and why would I stay behind them and let them catch it so they can use their weight against me?  I instead get in front of them and use my long lanky arms to my advantage.  Most players can't throw it over me accurately enough to their teammate so he can "body" me around down low.  I have learned also to hardly ever go for a pump fake so even if they do catch the ball down low against me, I am at least going to bother the shot.  Enough about me. What do you think about me? (smiley face)  I need a haircut. I am becoming dangerously close to looking like someone who should style their hair.  Good thing it is winter and I can get away with the wool hat in almost every situation.  A body would have to forcefully hold me down to get product in my hair.  Sadly, certain family members have videos that clearly show I am wearing product in my hair, I can only hope they don't back them up on DVD and that they slowly fade away into dead VHS land.  Who even has a VCR nowadays anyway?  I do.  VCR tapes are fifty cents each at Goodwill.  How can you pass that up?  I am not a big movie person to begin with but, it seems they just don't make em like they used to and most of the movies worth watching were made before DVDs became the norm.  Ironically books are usually a couple bucks, more than double the price of movies.  I am due for another trip to the Book Barn.  It is in Niantic and is, for a bookworm like me heaven on earth with your clothes on.  Thousands and thousands of used books, most of which are outside, on carts, in sheds or under a lean to or two.  I have bought some of my most prized books there at very reasonable prices.  The older the book the more romantic.  It is like a time capsule.  How it is worn.  The smell.  The way, by just looking at it not even reading it, that it triggers your imagination (if you still have one) and takes you to places you had no idea you were going to go to until you picked it up.  I want a library someday and I don't care if I have to build it under the guise of a treehouse to get it.  A library up in a tree?  Now that would be cool.  Climb a ladder and get a book.  Maybe have a nice little view and sounds of nature to read it by.  I may be onto something.

High On Pez

Welcome to hump day.  Although whenever a woman used to refer to Wednesday like that I would remark that every day is hump day and try my best to give that special sexy look.  Timing and delivery are very important when trying to be sexually attractive.  The substance of your words matter too, but without good pitching, catching is most likely not going to happen.  Good pitching usually beats good hitting, on.  Alright lets stop there before I get going and we both end up naked with no one to please but ourselves.  So, yesterday I found out that a friend who I had thought was dead actually split to a warm climate and modified his name.  It was so cool and a part of me envied him and wished I had thought of it first.  How free must that feel?  To basically start life over.  I'm sure it had its pros and cons, but so does pretty much everything.  I didn't even believe him at first and he had to pass my little personal history quiz before I took it as truth, but he passed with flying colors and well, it was a very happy feeling for me.  It wasn't like we were best friends or even one tenth of that but I valued the brief time we worked together, even though he was of the opinion that I didn't like him too much.  He was, is, one of those humans who "gets me" and it is nice to be able to talk to someone without having to defend yourself from being judged as being the one who is judgmental.  Funny little circle that tends to be.  Circles never end, I suppose that is part of what makes them circles, that and all their uniform roundness.  My favorite color is yellow.  If I think too much or sometimes at all about what I am writing it kind of stalls the process and I think the faster I go, the better it is, to me.  How you, my reader view it is beyond me and really none of my business unless you feel the need to comment on a post and tell me.  When I first started I debated even letting you have a space to reply because I thought, in the future if I had many readers all commenting I would want to dignify them all with a response and that might warrant a bigger block of time for this than I have foreseen.  But this is not a dictatorship.  The exact opposite of what my mother used to say to us kids when growing up.  "This is not a democracy", she would say, because I wanted to make everything "the national debate" as she put it.  It was kind of ironic because another thing she told me often was NOT to follow, but to lead and think for myself, so you can see how those two ideals clashed when it came to taming me as a child.  I am so very grateful my mom instilled those thoughts into my head and I was also very lucky that she and my father were as strict as they were, or so it seemed at the time.  Now, looking back it just seems they cared, ALOT.  Shut up spell check.  I am jonesing for my next Phish show.  I hope they come around in the spring and we don't have to wait until summer.  This crap is all about me and that sometimes makes me think I am vain, but think deeper I will, and I hope to put that thought away for good, because I am just that damn interesting. (smile)

Race

In most contexts, the word race makes me cringe.  It reminds me how uneducated the masses really are, and by educated I don't mean having a fancy, expensive piece of paper that makes you feel smart.  The smartest people usually feel that they have much to learn and not enough time in one lifetime to learn it.  (self pat on the back)  I am no scientist, but I'm pretty sure millions or at least thousands of years of evolution and crossbreeding have melded us all into the same race. The human race.  Check the box that best describes your race.  I usually check other and write in human.  Racist comments are hardly ever muttered on this planet in my opinion, and if we lived on a planet that had a uniform climate, people wouldn't even have as many minute differences in appearance as they have now.  Live high up in the mountains, where the air is thin and cold and of course skin pigment is going to be light and your nose quite narrow.  Live in the lowlands and jungles and of course skin will develop darker and your nose will broaden to be able to breathe the thicker more moist air a little easier.  Geography is the biggest factor in how the human body evolves.  Your direct relation to the sun and other elements of nature is a huge deal on this planet.  Did you know that even though the sun is about 93 million miles away that it is still so hot that looking directly at it will damage your eyes?  I know you probably did but a bunch of people on this rock do not act like it.  They act more like they are the sun and everything revolves around them and their tiny, oh so tiny brain.  True self absorption is the ultimate bear trap.  There is almost no way to know you have the disease when you have it, and if someone tries to point it out to you (for your own good not because they feel the need to be right all the time), being wrapped up in yourself, you are most likely not going to be able to see the other perspective or side of it.  You are going to feel as though you are being attacked when exactly the opposite is happening, someone is trying to save you.  Then the methods and tact of the caring, loving would be rescuer will be criticized by your friends and loved ones, them making it seem as though there is only one way to skin the cat and that the rescuer's selfless thoughts do not count, or their methods are so bad that they outweigh the good that is trying to be accomplished.  Oh just let him/her be, they will grow out of it.  Oh yea by what method?  Miracle?  Tragedy?  Divine Intervention?  Duh everyone just grows out of immature behavior by themselves we all know that!  Cue the pot and kettle thoughts in some of your heads.  Roll tape.  And, action!  Grammar is almost gone so enjoy it while you can.  If for every LOL  you typed you lost a day off your life, we might start to evolve again instead of all this devolving I am witnessing.  Is that mean?  Well it all depends on what your definition of is, is. (wink)

A Box Of Forgotten Clothes

I like so called ugly shirts.  It reinforces the whole clothes do not make the man thing for me.  My mom called and told me to come and get this box or it was going to Goodwill, and I bet that is where a couple of them came from in the first place.  My girlfriend can't believe I wore some of these and has already said she will not be seen in public with me if I am wearing certain ones.  Disney On Ice traffic is just the worst, not really but sitting in it for even a minute was different.  Leaving the Hartford Civic Center after an event and not hearing the drunken wails of young men was a pleasant change.  Vendors outside on the sidewalk were selling knockoff Nemo dolls instead of cheap t-shirts of the band or team you saw.  These and many other differences are those things you just don't think about until you are there and experiencing them.  Today was a good day.  I always maintain they all are, but anytime I get to go through new and different scenarios is extra pleasing to the senses and the spongy fat stored up in my skull.  I almost went to bed forgetting to write today, but remembered at the last minute so insert excuse for the short entry here.  A woodpile, especially one stacked correctly with care makes me happy.  My parents have a wood burning stove, so I grew up with an ax and am on my second thumbnail.  Stacking is fun and kind of like a big custom puzzle.  Making kindling is my favorite.  Don't worry I know what I'm doing and lost that first thumbnail before ten years old.  There aren't that many outside smells better to me than smoke coming from a chimney.  Winter is by far my least favorite season but without it summer wouldn't feel so good.  Here in New England summer also stood for freedom when you were a kid.  No school!  You were free to sleep in if you wanted but I don't remember ever doing that.  The days seemed endless, and even when the sun went down it stayed light enough to play basketball for another hour and you could fish until you couldn't see to tie the knot.  I changed lures so much when I was younger, it was a way to express your impatience in the activity that didn't have much room for it.  I was very lucky and had a pond that was a five minute walk from my driveway.  It wasn't much to look at but it was mine, at least it felt like it.  Ok, enough about my obsession with fishing, it is time to hit the hay.  I promise to write a longer entry in the morning.

Eyetalians Sure Can Cook

Eudora was the name of  my cashier at the grocery store today.  I really enjoy meeting someone that has a name that I haven't already met someone else with the same name before.  I like meeting new people of any name of course but I get that extra little kick out of my personal discovery of a new name.  Is a name a label?  I'm not sure.  It is a way of identifying someone, it's much better than saying "hey you" I guess.  I guess.   I may have to stop all this literary guessing.  I see it popping up in my writing a bit too much for my liking.  I want to stay diverse with my phrases and words and am very conscious of developing a crutch, much like the "to be honest" crutch which so many lean on daily.  That particular preface of so many statements bothers me more than any other of the verbal crutches, by far.  I sometimes get the notion to take the opposite stance and preface an opinion with, "well to be perfectly fraudulent,  I just cannot stand cheese on my apple pie".  Which by the way is a completely false statement.  I like whipped cream or ice cream on my pie, not cheese.  I suppose (not guess!) that in a state like Vermont where so much cheese is made, people had to start branching out with the way it was used.  Care for an apple omelet?  I would try one, but doubt my liking it.  Though I never thought I would like a peanut butter and american cheese sandwich before I was made to try one by my cousin.  I used to be one of those who said the word never when it came to the idea of trying a new food or combination, but then I read Mr. Bourdain's? Kitchen Confidential  and he made trying weird sounding foods seem so cool.  I read that book right after it came out, way before he made it big and I feel obligated to tell you that because that is how much I dislike being associated with pop culture.  He also made cooking seem cool and not so feminine as my then caveman-like brain had thought.  He was crude and swore often in that one and that just added to the coolness, because duh, all the cool kids swear. (wink)  Picking your nose stimulates your brain, so if you are ever at a loss of words sometime give it a try.  It is also quite an icebreaker!  Ah, where does the silliness end?  Hopefully never.  I heard or read that the most key element in humor is surprise and I think it's right up there with truth.  The funniest quips or jokes are usually soaked in truth, and combine that with the element of surprise and you can then leave people in proverbial stitches.  I wonder what the origin of that saying is.  Stitches.  They were a badge of honor to a young boy.  How many you had to get directly correlated to how glorious your injury was.  Five stitches, that's it?  Why even bother dude?  Slap a band-aid on that thing and lets go play.  Mom!  "There's that swear word again", my mom used to say.  I wonder how many thousands of times a mother hears that word/command/plea/question/ during the raising of just one child.  Somewhere a study has had to have been done that can give me that statistic.  "Most people use statistics like a drunkard uses a lamppost, to lean on not for illumination." I think that is Twain and I am not sure I got it word for word, but if I go and try to research every minute detail this blog will start to consume me, and I am not safe for consumption.  Was that clever enough?  As the great Tigger would say, TTFN.

Will Poop For Pancakes

Greetings my dear reader!  Welcome to my Saturday morning.  Remember Loony Tunes on Saturday mornings?  Those cartoons were the motivation to wake up early on Saturday, for children and adults.  Duck season!  Fire!  At some point I graduated to the fishing shows on ESPN during my Saturday mornings, before those outdoor channels existed and also before the shows were pretty much commercials for new products as they are now.  The content time has gone way down during the fishing and hunting shows and the hawking of new wares has gone up.  The sponsors' effort to hide their advertising, or actually the hosts' efforts to try and sneak these new products in DURING the show is going down by the episode.  It is bad enough we have to watch commercial time between segments go up but now when the show comes back on, so does the commercial.  It is so repetitive.  I always said I would have my own fishing show, and now that I am starting to act on things I've always just before only said and thought, well my vision of it has slightly changed.  I will not do it for profit.  I will, if it ever gets that popular, only accept enough advertising to run the show.  I use the word I too much.  But also, of course would only push a product that I really used and believed in.  I kind of always hammed it up while fishing anyway, maybe subconsciously thinking that I had to provide some sort of entertainment to my companion.  I often would take/drag people who admittedly weren't into fishing that much so I wanted them to have fun.  There is no one I spent more hours with on water than my father, and conversation was kept to a minimum with him.  Looking back, all that quiet taught me very much.  Patience for one, which I think unless it is learned very young, is very hard to attain, especially in this instant gratification society that most of us now live in.  People are programmed to push a button and get results, NOW.  Fishing is almost never like that.  One of my father's sayings (and there were many) was along the lines of, "If you caught something every time you went, it would be called catching, not fishing."  That just made too much sense, so an argument I couldn't conjure up, and ask my mother, for me that is rare. Speaking of Mom, when we were little she had this all glass, see-through cookie jar that if you looked at it wrong it gave off a little ting.  My mother having canine ears, would then be able to hear from anywhere in the house when one of the children decided to try and pilfer a cookie.  That jar helped me perfect the now dying art of cat burglary.  Feigning sleep at night was the best option, but waiting until the vacuum was on was also as close to a sure thing as there was. Knowing which stairs creaked on your way downstairs was a must.  Sweets when I was young were the exception not the rule which is probably why my favorite cereals are Corn Flakes and Wheaties and the like.  I miss online poker, just one more reason for me to not like the current government.  As you can see I don't much care for paragraphs or indenting.  I don't want to give you a rest!  Even for a second.  Writing about writing while thinking about thinking about writing about writing.  And away we go!  This stuff is very personal, but I think all writing is, no matter what the subject is.  I always thought it was very vain to write, and think that others would want to read said writing, but as you can see I am over that now.  I am not as self-absorbed as I think I am.  Or am I? Questions are so cool, and I like how the word quest is the base.  It implies adventure, and those choose your own adventure books were the cat's meow.  I would go back and read every choice, but that first "edition" that was your own choice was pretty exciting.  Someone should write adult versions of those. Ok bye. (smiley face)

My Very Good Friend Eats Worms

So last night I had two dreams that I do remember.  Ever since I stopped smoking pot right before bed I now remember dreams.  I used to hardly ever wake up with a memory of one but now it seems almost every morning I wake up with some sort of mini movie in my head, usually with me in the leading role.  In one I had a verbal fight with my grandfather, over what I don't know, and it got so bad I stormed out of my parents' house to get in a truck and drive away.  I locked both doors and rolled up the windows anticipating Grandpa coming out after me but he was slower so I knew I had time. Out he comes, carrying what can only be described as a shiv and then is when I realize I threw away the key to the truck and I have now trapped myself.  Fashioning my own shiv as quick as I can I roll down the window partly and the poking war ensues.  No ending because that is when I woke up.  The other dream was happy and didn't contain so much drama.  All I remember is   standing in the middle of the projects and being the only white kid and playing kickball with a couple of friends. But it was one of those games that starts out small, then people start looking out their windows and seeing how fun it is and begin to come out of every nook and cranny to play with us.  Old people, young people, and we weren't even running the bases anymore, people were just lining up to kick that ball as far as they could and a bunch of others were all scrambling around to try and catch and retrieve it to throw back to the pitcher.  It was such a fun time and it seemed like nothing else mattered except having fun, even with people you hadn't even met before.  I remember making one particularly good catch off of a wall and feeling a sense of pride as I threw  the ball back to the pitcher. Then I woke up.  Damn.  Those moments, real or in a dream are so fun you wish they would never stop.  Alright enough about the dream world lets get back to reality.  I imagine as you are reading this you are in a comfortable place, with your beverage of choice and what really excites me is that I have a bit of control over your imagination.  That is what is so grand about reading.  You make the pictures that go along with the story.  You, dear reader are the director of the movie.  I am just the writer, so that means we kind of have a partnership here.  Pretty freaking cool.  This being only my third entry, yet I feel I am learning so much.  So as you sip that coffee or beer if I type the word dragon.  Poof!!! YOUR version of a dragon should appear in your head.  That may be as close as I come to performing magic as I get.  And now for my next trick I will make said dragon disappear! Poof!  It should be gone now, but maybe it's not.  The disappearing tricks are way more difficult to perform than the appearing ones.  As far as labels go I am still debating whether I should attach any to these blogs in the label section.  They seem like they might help in others stumbling upon this here writing so I probably should get over my aversion to them.  I do want to be a writer now.  I have been saying since I was little that I was going to write a book but I never put any effort into it at all.  I figured I would just wait until I was old and couldn't run around anymore, but I now know that would be tainted.  The mindset changes with your surroundings and place in life and I would be doing myself and you my beloved reader a huge disservice by not capturing these moments of time in my life in somewhat the same context  in which they happen.  Writing about writing.  I promise I will get over it eventually,  I guess I have alot (I spell alot the way I like it) of thoughts about it that can't wait to make it to print.  I will talk about specific subjects so don't worry, it shouldn't all be like this.

Look Me In The Eye

I guess writing about writing is about as impossible for me to stop as is thinking about thinking. Once those Doors Of Perception have been opened, even if only a crack they cannot be shut. You can only then try to distract yourself from them by taking on as many things or people as it takes to put them on the furthest back burner that exists, or that you can get to,  in your brain.  So in short, I will not judge myself by what flows from my fingers to this blog.  I can be the harshest of critics, at least I know that now, when you don't know that you set yourself up for disappointment almost every time.  I used to be a self-proclaimed perfectionist, but I am now of the opinion that perfect does not exist, anywhere, and shouldn't even be a word.  It is the impossible dream.  As a friend recently pointed out, the moon looks different lately. When was the last time you stared at the sky? I do it often, night and day, and have been since I was little. It is really weird to me to see how people's curiosity wanes over time. They stop asking questions, even simple ones, and just believe the official story of almost everything. What has made a once curious nation filled with tinkerers and kids that like to take things apart into a nation waiting around for the next new cell phone to come out? I have ideas, but don't feel like going into any great detail at the moment.  In order to have ideas, you first have to STOP and think, which society has made to seem like an almost impossible or unprofitable thing to do. And if it don't make dollars, it don't make sense. That seems to be the world's motto nowadays. Seems to be, that doesn't mean it is. I really almost cannot describe my disdain for the television. It, and everything shown on it get way too much credibility.  It is the new bible, or gospel.  The new new testament.  Sports, on the professional level are now blatantly fixed, to the point where even my dumbass can see.  I still watch, and probably always will, maybe not, but it is a habit, and I really like competition, AND, commas.  Why fixed?  Money.  Greed.  Money. Not fixed because someone or some group of people like their team that much and want to win at all cost.  That would seem a little less dirty to me. Can you tell how bitter I am that my childhood love (for lack of a better word) of the seemingly innocent world of sports has been hijacked and corrupted by greed?  When people start betting on fishing is the day I start building my spaceship to get off this rock, but is running the answer? In a very selfish way yes, and I bet I can find an alien who is willing to race me telephone pole to telephone pole, or crater to crater, without anyone betting on it. I bet. HA! Betting is just too fun, especially when it is on yourself.  I recently lost a game of one on one basketball to a friend and after it was over he informed me that was the first time he ever beat me. I got angry inside.  I had no idea I was undefeated in that regard, back in my younger days I would have known, and would have played my hardest to keep that "perfect" record.  It was a mini milestone, it meant I was losing my edge, or so I thought, maybe winning isn't everything but having fun is. You only get one life as far as we know, therefore only one chance to have and share, fun. Stopping is hard, so I could be onto something here, dot dot dot.

Who needs a mirror?

Writing has so many different angles. I hope to view mine from as few of those angles as possible. This is my first entry into my first blog, so I hope it reads historic, or at least fun and easy. Stop reading those first lines!!! Over and over, the water has passed and it is never coming back, so there is no use in trying to see how far your eyes can follow it until it disappears. What to write about? Current events? My struggle with hair removal? Failed attempts at humor? Harsh self-judgements? Today is the first building block so I suppose it should be sturdy. Talking is so much easier, you can't see your words. Out of sight out of mind I guess. Auto-save, that's pretty cool. I always pictured myself writing on paper, but if my Dad can buy and drive a Japanese truck, then who am I to stand in the way of progress? I never knew or thought of Willy Wonka as a musical, so I guess I don't dislike every musical ever made as I once thought. I can't wait to blog about fishing! (smile) Family is a chore sometimes, but like all chores worth it in the long run. Speaking of runs, I recently found out, or realized that I am in fact not going to live forever. That sucks. How can you save the planet in just one lifetime? What a daunting task. ''The heaviest of all burdens is that of great potential." That quote makes me feel better for about a second, then I feel like the rest of the whiners, and lazy. Whoa there! Lets not get too deep in the first entry. There will be plenty of time for that. Short and sweet, that is all you are getting for the first one. Hey, you only get to use that excuse once. Thanks to all who gave me the words of encouragement to start this nonsense. I needed it.