Underground Lobster Fights

Early morning writing.  Mmmmm.  So are you in jail yet?  Surely you did something against the law today or yesterday, or every day.  Home of the free we are not and I am wondering how long it will be until my writing this blog becomes illegal.  Five years?  Five minutes?  You know how, when you're pumping gas and the little tab that holds down the pump "trigger" is broken, how much that sucks?  Some people silently just suffer and stand there, hand on the pump the whole time, while other do it yourself people, or problem solvers, find something in their car to wedge in between so the pump stays running.  Especially in the bitter cold, standing there is not pleasant.  Well yesterday I read a sign on the gas pump that said it was now illegal to wedge something in there.  Ok, talk about a victim-less crime.  Unless you are a complete idiot, I don't see how this works.  When did this "law" pass by the way?  Does anyone know?  Was it a part of that new defense bill that basically designates all of us Americans guilty until proven innocent if they even feel like giving you the chance to prove your innocence.  I can see how wedging maybe a Zippo refill bottle in there would be dangerous, or any other substance that happens to be contained under pressure or flammable.  But really do they make masses of people that dumb now that it needs to be a law?  Furthermore, if said people are that dumb do you think they are going to be able to read that sign, or if they can, even care enough about the legality of  the act to refrain from it?  That would be like making jumping off your riding lawn mower while it was in gear illegal.  Yes it is dumb and unsafe but hello natural selection!  People like that are supposed to be thinned out.  It is nature's way.  They aren't supposed to be so scared of going to jail that they fail to follow nature's order.  These people need to stop breeding and making little rubes.  Seriously, this has to stop.  Our country jails its own people more than ANY other country in the world.  At least there is one statistic for me to lean on.  Out of time, I will be back later today.

Jammy Jams

Championship Sunday, in the league where they play, for pay.  Today I received the fastest haircut in my life.  It was easily under five minutes.  She did a good job, I instantly look younger despite my week old attempt at facial hair.  I wonder if puberty will ever end for me.  If you have never eaten braciole, give it a try.  Quality food.  I cannot believe the Ravens just missed that field goal.  Eff the freaking Patriots and Bill Belacheat.  Go Giants!  To be clear, I am a Minnesota Vikings fan, but so many of my friends and family are Giants fans that I have a soft spot for them.  So how are those presidential races going?  I have no idea.  I am being selfish and not doing anything real at all to stop the madness.  I am trying to get my life on track, really, for the first time.  Up until recently, I was flying by the seat of my pants, and now I make plans and think about budgets. Flying is fun.  Read On The Road by Kerouac.  If it doesn't change your life, read The Doors of Perception by Huxley.  If that doesn't, let me know and I will give you some more reading material.  Flying isn't for everyone, I am aware, but the idea of it, or the concept, should at least be presented to you so you have a choice.  So many people are brought up in a way, and are hardly exposed at all to different ways to living.  Living.  It is only done once that we know of.  So why not try at least a few different ways before picking your favorite?  In order to live different ways you must think different ways.  But if you are a prejudiced person, it's going to be hard for you to try anything outside of your current cutter of cookies.  What you, said prejudiced person views as different, most likely in the bigger picture or baking pan is not.  You are still a snicker doodle, just in a different shape.  Branch out, become a chocolate chip or an oatmeal raisin cookie.  Actually walk in someone else's shoes instead of fantasizing about it.  One trip on this Earth.  That's it.  When you are on your deathbed, if you are lucky/unlucky enough to get on it and get that chance to reflect, you don't want that many what ifs.  What ifs are going to exist for everyone I think, no matter what choices you make but you want as few as possible so you can relish that never ending memory called your lifetime.  Look back, laugh, cry and everything in between.  I wouldn't mind being visited by some spirits or actually anything that would blow my mind when or if I am on that deathbed.  Deathbed.  It should be called lifebed .  Life insurance used to be called death insurance, it didn't sell so well, so they spruced it up.  Your life is ending, it should be your lifebed.  Why focus on death to begin with?  I am aware it is a part of everyone's lifetime, but it isn't a deathtime, it's a lifetime.  It is the end of your life.  You don't begin death.  Life winds down.  The word death sucks, to me, right now.  It switches the focus and I don't like that.  Most of those religious people should be throwing a party when a relative is at the end of life.  Doesn't heaven or their version of it await for most of those people?  Freaking heaven man!  Just the word heaven sounds awesome.  Where is their faith?  Now they don't want that loved one to go?  Is it selfishness?  What happened?  Heaven is waiting, dot dot dot.

Better Late Than Never

My blog, blog blog blog blog.  The beast must be fed.  It gets cranky and lays on one heck of a guilt trip if it goes without food.  That damn conscious and its cousin the sub.  Always in my ear, trying their best to influence my actions.  I have, so far noticed that I am not a night writer.  It flows much better in the morning, though it could be too early to make the final judgement.  So here I am writing about writing because the substance is currently being blocked by the "events" of the day.  The thoughts and analyzing, the pouting, the regret, all that and more mixed up in that pot of gumbo called my brain. The pride, the vanity.  Sex in a phone booth.  You couldn't guard me in a phone booth.  The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones.  Mince meat pie.  Which, if you didn't know, is really good and contains no meat.  The rumor being it was named that to make the kids not want it.  It worked against me until a few years ago when I finally tried it.  Tasty.  Almost like a Fig Newton pie.  Under pressure.  I shoot my best.  Those back rim misses are the worst but for every one of those there is a lucky roll so you just have to accept them and move on.  The Knicks suck.  Those players need an earlier curfew.  Yes, grown men have curfews.  Sad, but true, and necessary.  Especially in New York City where the bars close at 4am and then underneath the bar is an after party that goes until who knows when.  I have been invited to many after parties but not once did I ever show.  I was that fashionably late.  I never even got there.  Now that is the peak of cool!  Or at least my version.  You can get anything delivered in the city.  Anything.  All you need is to know the right people.  Good night my dear reader.  I give up.  See you in the morning when I have somewhat of a clear head.

I Am The Lord Of Your Thighs

Politics. Where to begin?  Where to end?  Politics gives team sports a bad name.  It may be that if you aren't a fan of sports then what can you root for with that same die hard emotional attachment but a political party.  There are many reasons why people don't like sports, but I think the one that those people most have in common is that they aren't athletic or view themselves as bad at sports.  It makes sense, it is a pride thing.  Yes there are always exceptions to any generalizations, no doubt there are people out there that are fans who have never picked up a ball in their life, but I totally get why some people aren't sports fans.  I am not here to convince you to be one if you happen to be one of those people, but again, like I wrote, who can you root for? The military of your country? The god of your chosen religion?  World peace?  Go world peace go!  You can do it!  So, every day, but over a broader scale in this country, every four years, masses and masses of people pick up their pom poms and start the cheer-leading.  Whoever cheers the loudest wins!  Not really, but by observing the nation's citizens as a whole you can tell that is what they think.  Do whatever it takes to win!  Ironic to me how it seems the people are the only ones who never win.  Oh, before I forget, just because I do not vote, doesn't mean I am not allowed my opinion.  I am a natural citizen who pays bloody taxes like the rest of you so those two facts themselves give me the right to say whatever I want, just like you have the right to say I, (by not voting) don't have any place to gripe or complain or whine or whatever label you want to affix to my opinions to try and discredit them and make yourself feel good.  The parties baffle me.  Aren't we all on the same side here?  America?  To get a little lofty here but just for a second, I don't think borders or countries should exist, and it has NOTHING to do with my taste in music so stick that old world 60's propaganda in your pipe and smoke it.  Ok back to a somewhat lower level of my soapbox so you can at least see me.  Why parties?  Why label ourselves democrats and republicans and tea party people and freedomtarians and whatever silly names they are now making up?  Why can't we just be humans?  Together.  Working for the greater good.  Why not? To me, all the labels do is play on our dumbass human emotions and insecurities and complexes and whatever else disorder you have probably diagnosed yourself with.  They divide.  They conquer.  It is very hard to have an intellectual conversation with someone if your feelings are hurt by the other person's opinions of the world in general, not even their thoughts about you as a person.  People get way too emotionally attached to their opinions and treat them like they make slow sweet love to them every night.  I like very much to be proven wrong.  The exact opposite of how most view me.  Most think I am just out to prove myself right and that couldn't be further from the truth.  If I am proven wrong, or come across an opinion that I agree with more than the one I previously had, it means I have learned something, the least of which would be I learned how to change my opinion.  That act in itself is a valuable tool used in the process of one's education.  Kill your TV.  Please.  I do not have any fancy graphics and I am not sitting in your living room, unavoidable by you.  I believe the first step to thinking outside the box is to turn off the one or five in your house.  It is almost a must.  That glowing piece of furniture is relentless.  It does not stop.  You can't control it and no matter how many times you change the channel the overall message will be the same.  I wasn't always like this.  In my youth I watched my fair share, had my favorite shows (MacGyver) and looking back if it wasn't for my passion of reading I would have been even more influenced by the TV than I already was.  I can't pinpoint when I started to think it was just one big fish tale but I do know when I turned 18 and it came time to register to vote, I chose independent because I at least had the feeling that I did not want my thoughts tied down by a particular party.  Whoa there this turned out long.  I will stop now and maybe pick up on this thought tomorrow, or maybe not.

Spiderman, Princess and McQueen

I used to detest coffee, over the past year or so I have begun to enjoy a cup or sometimes two in the morning.  I do not like this new development in me, says the logical part of my brain, but the pleasure part likes it very much and that side of my noodle is used to winning.  We'll see, and read how that turns out.  Last night during basketball I experienced the most painful cramp I have ever felt in my body. It was in my left calf  muscle and was a result of running, basically non stop for over 2 hours because the team I was on did not lose, not even once.  That is hard to pull off, at an escalating level because as your energy goes down, the other teams' anger goes up.  They of course are tired of losing all night and in turn character or lack of it starts to rear its ugly head.  I hardly call fouls ever.  You have to smash me.  I am no country club player despite what people think I look like.  I am used to playing in bad neighborhoods with hardened criminals so suffice it to say I have become accustomed to, lets say, physical play.  Me being usually the skinniest guy on the court does not help with all the pushing and shoving so I have learned to play position ball.  Knowing where the other player is going to push you and why before they do it is a great advantage and usually frustrates the crap out of them.  Big guys always try to take me into the post and why would I stay behind them and let them catch it so they can use their weight against me?  I instead get in front of them and use my long lanky arms to my advantage.  Most players can't throw it over me accurately enough to their teammate so he can "body" me around down low.  I have learned also to hardly ever go for a pump fake so even if they do catch the ball down low against me, I am at least going to bother the shot.  Enough about me. What do you think about me? (smiley face)  I need a haircut. I am becoming dangerously close to looking like someone who should style their hair.  Good thing it is winter and I can get away with the wool hat in almost every situation.  A body would have to forcefully hold me down to get product in my hair.  Sadly, certain family members have videos that clearly show I am wearing product in my hair, I can only hope they don't back them up on DVD and that they slowly fade away into dead VHS land.  Who even has a VCR nowadays anyway?  I do.  VCR tapes are fifty cents each at Goodwill.  How can you pass that up?  I am not a big movie person to begin with but, it seems they just don't make em like they used to and most of the movies worth watching were made before DVDs became the norm.  Ironically books are usually a couple bucks, more than double the price of movies.  I am due for another trip to the Book Barn.  It is in Niantic and is, for a bookworm like me heaven on earth with your clothes on.  Thousands and thousands of used books, most of which are outside, on carts, in sheds or under a lean to or two.  I have bought some of my most prized books there at very reasonable prices.  The older the book the more romantic.  It is like a time capsule.  How it is worn.  The smell.  The way, by just looking at it not even reading it, that it triggers your imagination (if you still have one) and takes you to places you had no idea you were going to go to until you picked it up.  I want a library someday and I don't care if I have to build it under the guise of a treehouse to get it.  A library up in a tree?  Now that would be cool.  Climb a ladder and get a book.  Maybe have a nice little view and sounds of nature to read it by.  I may be onto something.

High On Pez

Welcome to hump day.  Although whenever a woman used to refer to Wednesday like that I would remark that every day is hump day and try my best to give that special sexy look.  Timing and delivery are very important when trying to be sexually attractive.  The substance of your words matter too, but without good pitching, catching is most likely not going to happen.  Good pitching usually beats good hitting, on.  Alright lets stop there before I get going and we both end up naked with no one to please but ourselves.  So, yesterday I found out that a friend who I had thought was dead actually split to a warm climate and modified his name.  It was so cool and a part of me envied him and wished I had thought of it first.  How free must that feel?  To basically start life over.  I'm sure it had its pros and cons, but so does pretty much everything.  I didn't even believe him at first and he had to pass my little personal history quiz before I took it as truth, but he passed with flying colors and well, it was a very happy feeling for me.  It wasn't like we were best friends or even one tenth of that but I valued the brief time we worked together, even though he was of the opinion that I didn't like him too much.  He was, is, one of those humans who "gets me" and it is nice to be able to talk to someone without having to defend yourself from being judged as being the one who is judgmental.  Funny little circle that tends to be.  Circles never end, I suppose that is part of what makes them circles, that and all their uniform roundness.  My favorite color is yellow.  If I think too much or sometimes at all about what I am writing it kind of stalls the process and I think the faster I go, the better it is, to me.  How you, my reader view it is beyond me and really none of my business unless you feel the need to comment on a post and tell me.  When I first started I debated even letting you have a space to reply because I thought, in the future if I had many readers all commenting I would want to dignify them all with a response and that might warrant a bigger block of time for this than I have foreseen.  But this is not a dictatorship.  The exact opposite of what my mother used to say to us kids when growing up.  "This is not a democracy", she would say, because I wanted to make everything "the national debate" as she put it.  It was kind of ironic because another thing she told me often was NOT to follow, but to lead and think for myself, so you can see how those two ideals clashed when it came to taming me as a child.  I am so very grateful my mom instilled those thoughts into my head and I was also very lucky that she and my father were as strict as they were, or so it seemed at the time.  Now, looking back it just seems they cared, ALOT.  Shut up spell check.  I am jonesing for my next Phish show.  I hope they come around in the spring and we don't have to wait until summer.  This crap is all about me and that sometimes makes me think I am vain, but think deeper I will, and I hope to put that thought away for good, because I am just that damn interesting. (smile)

Race

In most contexts, the word race makes me cringe.  It reminds me how uneducated the masses really are, and by educated I don't mean having a fancy, expensive piece of paper that makes you feel smart.  The smartest people usually feel that they have much to learn and not enough time in one lifetime to learn it.  (self pat on the back)  I am no scientist, but I'm pretty sure millions or at least thousands of years of evolution and crossbreeding have melded us all into the same race. The human race.  Check the box that best describes your race.  I usually check other and write in human.  Racist comments are hardly ever muttered on this planet in my opinion, and if we lived on a planet that had a uniform climate, people wouldn't even have as many minute differences in appearance as they have now.  Live high up in the mountains, where the air is thin and cold and of course skin pigment is going to be light and your nose quite narrow.  Live in the lowlands and jungles and of course skin will develop darker and your nose will broaden to be able to breathe the thicker more moist air a little easier.  Geography is the biggest factor in how the human body evolves.  Your direct relation to the sun and other elements of nature is a huge deal on this planet.  Did you know that even though the sun is about 93 million miles away that it is still so hot that looking directly at it will damage your eyes?  I know you probably did but a bunch of people on this rock do not act like it.  They act more like they are the sun and everything revolves around them and their tiny, oh so tiny brain.  True self absorption is the ultimate bear trap.  There is almost no way to know you have the disease when you have it, and if someone tries to point it out to you (for your own good not because they feel the need to be right all the time), being wrapped up in yourself, you are most likely not going to be able to see the other perspective or side of it.  You are going to feel as though you are being attacked when exactly the opposite is happening, someone is trying to save you.  Then the methods and tact of the caring, loving would be rescuer will be criticized by your friends and loved ones, them making it seem as though there is only one way to skin the cat and that the rescuer's selfless thoughts do not count, or their methods are so bad that they outweigh the good that is trying to be accomplished.  Oh just let him/her be, they will grow out of it.  Oh yea by what method?  Miracle?  Tragedy?  Divine Intervention?  Duh everyone just grows out of immature behavior by themselves we all know that!  Cue the pot and kettle thoughts in some of your heads.  Roll tape.  And, action!  Grammar is almost gone so enjoy it while you can.  If for every LOL  you typed you lost a day off your life, we might start to evolve again instead of all this devolving I am witnessing.  Is that mean?  Well it all depends on what your definition of is, is. (wink)