Anticipation

"This is good for me."  Says me.  I feel a bit like I am starting all over again.  Almost every day.  That is also good, me thinks.  Labels.  My words, read, while writing,  lead to thoughts that might never make it to the page because they are about the page.  Describing the activity that goes on daily inside my brain is going to be a challenge, but, a fun one for me.  Today I read something to the effect of, the truth usually requires a small amount of words to speak.  Truth, about truth.  The picture of a picture of a picture.  Kerouac was the fucking man.  Is.  Editing. The 4th of July is coming up, please remember to light fireworks OUTSIDE.  Thanks.

Simultaneous Release

The art of avoidance.  Who says I have no artistic talent?  Not I.  Nostalgia is a powerful drug.  Just say no, most of the time.  Mundane detail.  If I do happen to find the trail back to narrative, you and I can have lots of fun.  After awhile gone, I read a couple of these entries and it seems like another person is writing and not me.  Pretty cool, that person is.  My keyboard sucks at this moment so the dip back into the pool is going to be brief but it is just the first domino in line.  Our little secret is going to be a daily occurrence once again so I will have plenty of time to put your ear in a hammer lock.  Ya see if this was a book, that last line is on the cutting room floor but this is blogging,  so I am coming as I am and let the play on words failures be seen by all.  It's time to get smart, again. Thanks.

You Spare What I Think?

Welcome back reader and writer.  Our little affair had gone south for a bit but we are back and lets just resume the madness and not dwell on why or how we drifted apart.  I have no idea where I am going to watch the Superbowl.  If I had my wish, it would be at home by myself with some fattening foods.  The Superbowl is just as bad as Thanksgiving in terms of people pigging out and not caring about what they stuff into their faces and I am no different.  Shoot me later.  The hangup is I live without TV, so I cannot watch it at home, I have to find a family member or friend who will let me come over.  I just want to be by myself.  During the championship game of any of the sports I fancy I really don't want to be socializing.  I want to watch the game, think my own thoughts and let all that I want soak in.  I want to make sarcastic comments in my head.  If someone is next to me, I tend to let some come out of my mouth.  Depending who I am with, and the level or subject of said comments that can be a good or bad thing, but I don't want to chance it.  Today at work I had a conversation with my fellow worker and it was very pleasant to speak with an older person who was not programmed by the television.  I am the youngest person in my shop by 15 years and the only one without a bald spot, gray hair and a pot belly.  Even though I usually value the company of my elders over my peers or younger people, they are usually programmed the worst.  They didn't have the access to free information at their fingertips most of their lives like young people have had, so I can understand as to why the programming took so well.  They had to take the television at its word because for the most part that was all there was.  People didn't carry around the entire encyclopedia A to Z in their pocket in the form of a phone.  Information was much more controlled on a mass level.  "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is mostly true.  I believe you can do it, it just takes a much bigger effort than with a puppy.  They did have books, but with that 40 hour work week and time spent drinking there isn't much time left to read.  A good amount of people associate reading with school and not many people like school.  Even the ones who sign up for extra school and spend thousands of dollars on it complain and bitch about their "education" and how much it sucks.  So when the majority finally finishes school, they finish books too.  A crying shame.  I am lucky.  I never liked school, and didn't read the textbook if I didn't have to so me and books have a solid relationship.  I always had my own book hidden inside the textbook so it looked like I was being studious when in fact I was in another world altogether and if a teacher called on me I might even get startled.  Can you leave me alone?  I am trying to educate myself, thank you.  History books were the biggest joke to me and we'll just leave that one right there by itself..........................I Heard You Paint Houses.  Now that's a history book.  Days Of Infamy, another real history book.  I read that one when I was ten years old, and they wanted me to take their textbook history seriously! HAHAHAHAHAHA!  I kept most of what I read to myself back in my youth.  Oh I had tried debating with my parents about what the TV was feeding them but they, like most people, got too emotional to have a debate or resented the fact that some young kid was telling them all they thought they knew was wrong.  I don't really blame them.  I can have pie in the sky wishes about what I think the ideal parent would have done but that's really water under the bridge and a moot point at best.  So I spent most of high school in my room alone, with my Columbia House tape collection and any books I could get my hands on.  I think it was 10 CDs or 20 tapes for a penny.  Give me those 20 tapes!  I remember the selection was huge and you had to lick the stamp of the album you wanted and stick it in the appropriate spot.  At one point I was getting a box in the mail almost daily and my mom was wondering where I got the money to send away for all this music that she was constantly telling me to turn down.  Ahhh, that feels better.  Goodnight. (smiley face)

An Uncomfortable Position

Introspective.  What does anyone really know about writing?  I know nothing yet except that I am now addicted to it and if I go a day without it the weight is felt on my shoulders.  Everyone should write.  I am beginning to think it's like physical exercise, necessary to a healthy body and mind.  I always thought of reading like that so it makes sense that writing would fall into that category right along with drinking water and flossing your teeth.  Throughout my academic "career" I have written about five term papers.  That's right, five.  In high school I used to "forget" to write the papers and in order to get a passing grade in the class that usually meant I had to ace the test or close to it to make up for my lack of writing.  I wonder how deep down my dislike for writing went and the reasons for it.  I label it often my fear of vanity, but now I'm not sure if that feeling was working alone, and isn't that pretty telling by itself says the dime store shrink.  Fear of the unknown might have been in there too.  Next to playing golf, this has been the most self-discovery, mentally, I have ever done.  All that thinking over the years pales in comparison.  Most of my thinking was about what I wanted and how I was going to go about to get it, and not material things so much dot dot dot.  Oh man if the computer screen doubled as a mirror and I could see my facial expressions while writing I wouldn't get much done.  Now that's vanity. Or is it?  I am questioning my views on almost everything now that I can see them written out and how they may look to others.  Not many things are as uplifting as the sunrise, especially when you wake up to beat it, not stay up all night and happen to catch it, that had better of been a damn good night.  I don't want to sleep during the day.  It doesn't feel natural to me at all.  Look at the pretty chemtrails.  HA!  EFF you spell check.  How do guys with beards do it?  The itch is driving me to pet myself with me barely noticing and it has got to go. Today.  That is quite the dedication to covering one's face.  I do not want to be one of those guys who is constantly stroking their face, it is kind of freaky and a monkey pops into my brain.  Sunday mornings are the best.  The hustle and bustle of the human race starts the latest on this day.  Thank god for something.  Speaking of god, I heard Tebow was hanging out with Kim.  End celebrity gossip.  End celebrity.  End gossip?  I'm not sure, it is so darn fun.  When I am up this early and can hear the birds singing and I don't have any menial chores or tasks to do like getting ready for work, it is grand.  Sometimes my want for something blinds my ability to think like a smart person.  Yearning, pining, can be good things if they are wrestled under control, but too much of a good thing, can and often will turn into a bad thing, even if it is just a silly emotion, or smoking grass.  I miss chess. Forget politics, chess is war without the blood, politics has blood it just hides it so the masses cannot see.  I wonder what the chemtrails are hiding.  I wonder how many times I have to type that word in order for my blog to be read by Homeland Security.  Hi agent so and so!  Top of the morning to ya!  I, I, I, I, I, can't wait to visit Ireland.  Me being a Mc and all, the idea seems very romantic to me.  Wow.  A sentence that started with the word me and ended with the word me.  I am horrible.  I need a teacher to criticize me, so if there are any out there reading this who believe education should be free, please critique me.  Charging money for education is old world thinking to me.  I am no communist, but if education can't be free then what can?  I am of the opinion that most of the oldest colleges in this country were created so poor minorities could not get in, and afford "education".  I will go into the detail of that opinion at a later date.  Call your Grandma, Donald.  Call your uncle too.  Follow through on your personality all the time not just when it suits you.

An Ice Cream Sundae, A Bubble Bath And A Bowl

Feel the love, if you can, if you have the ability.  Is giving possible if receiving isn't?  Can you FEEL love for a piece of metal?  Terminator aside.  I am only talking semantics here.  Without words having meaning we aren't talking at all.  It might as well be goo goo gaga.  So, yes sometimes I talk about semantics, or language because it is very important to me.  I think if people understood the language they would be better at exchanging ideas and evolve just a bit quicker.  Evolution isn't luck.  We have some control now, maybe we haven't always, but maybe we have.  If that fish didn't work hard to get to the land and was just content with the world of under water then it would have never became a frog I think.  Get it?  So, as I said yesterday this is just my opinion.  I am not judging anyone and THEIR version of love, or THEIR supposed subjective definition of any word, but I know the TRUE definition of most of the words I know and MY definition of love you now know.  You love yourself.  You can feel it.  If you love a material thing, it has sentimental value.  Memories are attached to it.  I still have and use my backpack from the seventh grade.  It is one of the oldest material things I have. It could tell many stories, but I don't feel any love for it.  I like it a whole lot, but if it got stolen or lost, I would chalk it up to fate and get over it quick.  If either of my moms got stolen or lost, that would be a whole other deal because I love them.  That emotion has attached me to them, forever.  If I ever loved someone, it is forever.  There will ALWAYS be a spot for them in my heart and soul.  That's ME.  I can't help it.  That's how I FEEL.  Don't think I'm yelling at you with all the capital letters, I am just lazy and don't want to mess with the font controls.  I promise I will get the italicize button down soon.  I like to debate but not argue.  I think people often when talking to me in person get caught up in my face, and all of its movements.  My face is not my words.  Now, if you are questioning whether I am telling the truth, the face is a great detector I know that.  But when I am giving my opinion, and my "passion" as people call it is displayed all over my face, it doesn't mean I am emotional about said opinion.  My face has its own set of controls separate from the logic controls in my brain.  It is frustrating when others get emotional in what was once an intellectual conversation about general life because they can't handle my face.  It's only my face.  I really have little control.  I am not thinking about how I look when talking, I am thinking about how I sound because silly me I am assuming the person is listening.  People should close their eyes when talking about general stuff and non personal issues.  Like I said, I use the face as a lie detector often, so blind conversation doesn't work in every capacity, but when discussing for example politics or religion both parties should close their eyes while talking and see if that makes it easier to see the other's perspective.  Word play over.

Tiny Bubbles

Hello my little pieces of clay. What shape shall we form you into today?  They blow up sand castles.  Tragic to me.  If they eroded naturally via the tide that would be better, but if they are built too far back from the water for that then I am not sure what the more romantic way would be.  Romance.  Fun stuff.  It is everywhere if you are looking for it, and I don't mean looking for your own personal romance.  True Romance, good movie.  Oh yea the intellectual stuff.  My bad.  Where were we?  Today lets talk about love and hate.  Two extreme emotions that are separated by that well known fine line in the sand or concrete or whatever kind of ground you happen to stand on.  These are just my opinions, I don't think they are proven facts, so the high horse I am not riding today.  You cannot love something that does not have the ability to love you back.  You do not love your car.  You do not love your phone.  Your car has no idea (yet, maybe technology one day will come along and screw up my world just a bit more) of your opinion of it. It is a machine.  Lots of metal, plastic and other man-made materials all fastened together.  It has no heart, more importantly, no soul.  Cars are not born.  They are manufactured.  With me?  People are doing the word, emotion, love, a big disservice by attaching it to any and every thing they happen to fancy at the moment.  Love deserves better.  You can't love your favorite song.  You like it very much.  Many, many other words are better suited to replace the word love in that sentence about your favorite song.  You love your mother don't you?  How can that same emotion stretch to a machine who by the way can't even feel your "love".  Yes there are different kinds of love.  But every single real kind of love can be returned to the person or even animal that is pouring it out.  Now lets talk hate.  Hate and love are peas in the same pod.  One is dormant while the other thrives.  They can trade places.  BUT!!!!  Love always comes first.  In order to hate someone, you have to love them first, whether you are aware you love them or not.  I definitely think it is possible to love a person without knowing it.  People are, do, things all the time and aren't aware of them, so lump good ole love in there too.  You do not hate the celebrity you have never met.  Most likely.  I guess you could be infatuated with them, but if you have had zero contact with them, love is not possible so neither is hate.  Like, or whatever word you want to pick out of the thesaurus would be accurate.  In communication, accuracy is the foundation, and without it building is pretty much useless and is going to fall down the first little gust that Mother Nature sends its way.  People face to face speaking the same language (kind of) cannot understand each other.  If you are speaking the language wrong, both of you, then maybe it might work, but if one is fluent while the other thinks they are, then frustration will ensue on both sides.  People claim to hate all sorts of things and strangers when in reality they just don't know that many words.  I do not have a huge vocabulary, but what little I have, I have down pat, by the book and to the letter except for the word alot which I refuse to spell right for my own personal reason.  I could go for some fried chicken right about now.  "Millie don't burn fried chicken."  So in closing, hold onto your love and save it for those select special people and try to keep the hate to a minimum.  Thank you and remember to tip 20% if you received good service.

Monster Trucks

Name Envy.  Do you have it?  "My name peaked when I was eight years old."  I heard that yesterday and had to share.  I won't divulge the actual name, but it was a common one, nothing out of the ordinary.  Hi Grandma!!!  He just wants new bumpers for his yacht.  The elusive booger.  My lobster would whoop yours.  He needs actual chains around his claws, elastic won't do, that's how strong he is.  The blue claw is five to one, baby one in five.  Loser is lunch.  Sauteed with butter.  No bib needed, no tools either.  Eat it like a sexist man.  Sloppy, finger licking good.  I can hit the space bar faster than you.  "They counted my warm ups.....I had 47 one warm up."  (crowd cheering)  The last guy on the bench is the most lovable sometimes, but Brian Scalabrine still sucks.  Not since employee number eight have I been that angry at a basketball player for throwing up three pointers.  The Magic suck.  Fifty six points in an NBA game should automatically get the coach fired.  Fourteen points a quarter on average.  No excuse, or defense to justify that.  Can you wiggle your ears?  Can you read random musings without getting confused or stimulated?  The radio station my shop listens to plays a happy variety that for the most part pleases my ears except for one little hangup.  They speed up the songs so fast it is AMAZING that Alvin and the Chipmunks aren't singing Night Moves instead of Bob Seger.  Light My Fire was three minutes long tops.  Just when I start to get my groove on the next song starts.  The radio fade.  Do bands still fade songs on their albums?  It's been so long since I've listened to a studio album and I don't think I have listened to any made in the past fifteen years.  I am a sucker for those songs that end with one last, sometimes unexpected punch.  Bam!  Song over.  The worst for me is the songs that start to fade out just as the band is starting to jam.  Chorus, bridge, verses over now lets get to the music and then the damn volume starts to go down. What's happening?  Did the band quit?  Nope, it's time for another commercial, for something you don't need.  Alright it's tea time.  I am sorry I didn't write anything of substance today.  I will make an effort to get into something somewhat intellectual tomorrow.